i hate myself and everything in me but i have to stay alive. christmas was a givt exchange gone wrong. i am unable to be loved. i do not let anyone get close enough and by the time i do its too late. i am afraid to love. there is always a violent man in my home and im tired of being haunted by his ghost. i dont know what to do to be wanted by the future. the gleaming city has locked me out. there is no escape from this living hell. i cannot leave. there is still opportunity left. you know too much. thank you for being my friend,
<br><br>now that THAT drama is over, i've gotten into making letterboxd lists. casually, you know. <br>but i also installed an art program as my cousin requested i make a book. write, illustrate. the whole shebang.<br>i htink i can do it.